Theres a shark behind you

Posted 14th Oct 2011 @ 8:32 pm

Theres a shark behind you…..

Check this picture out.

It’s like your worst holiday nightmare isn’t it? We’ll have a happy smiley pic taken on our dive in the Maldives or where ever it is and who should come a muscling in on the proceedings? None other then Bruce, the shark trying to Find Nemo.
He looks so innocent doesn’t he, Puckering up a smile for the camera. He might even put a chummy flipper over one of their shoulders. All mates together on holiday. Bruce is a vegetarian shark, so don’t worry cos he’s really no threat at all unless your a cabbage. He’s a friend….

But of course he’s not is he. He’s a shark and he’s gonna rip their head off and swallow you in two seconds flat along with that bike and spare tire he gobbled half a mile away.

Actually its a myth that Sharks will eat anything. Some do, the great White for instance but most of them eat the same thing day in day out and never vary, bit like my nan who only ever seemed to eat cake. “Would you like a nice slice dear?” she’d say every time we went round and it was always that horrible Mr Kippling rubbish. Its a total fallacy that old people know how to cook and that things were always better in the ol’ days. Most old people i know survive on a diet that would keep the average teenager happy. Toast, crisps, sweets and plastic cake. Bloody luverleee! And tea of course, gallons of the stuff. Its that Blitz spirit of washing away the horrors of the day with a nice warm cuppa.

Funny how liquids are always the answer. Tea, Beer, Wine, Spirits, i love then all but my favourite is water. Water is a greatly underestimated substance. I remember being horrified by a ad campaign for Robinson’s, a fruit flavoured concentrate you add too water. Some evil ad devil wanted to sell us this nasty chemical sugary rubbish with the tag line “Makes water taste better” Taste better??? Better then what Mother Nature herself conjured up over a 100 millions of years???

You have to take yer hat off to those Advertisers though. Convincing the public to spend £2 on a little bottle of water, something we can all can get, in abundance for free out of a tap. Unless of course your in those parts of the world where clean water is scarce but I don’t exactly see that being a problem here in London. Are they evil for selling us that or are we stupid enough to buy it?

Sharks evoke the same unjustified sheer terror in people as Spiders, Mice or the UK Conservative (Tory) party. I think they should all be more worried of us then we of them. Out of more than 360 species of shark, only four have been involved in fatal, unprovoked attacks on humans, an average of 4 per year since 2001. Counter that with the estimated 100 million sharks that are killed by people every year then go figure. And how about the practice of cutting their fins off for Shark fin soup and then throwing the poor finless fish back in the water, where it either drowns or gets eaten. Not very nice and whats wrong with good ol’ Heinz Tomato soup?

So whose the shark….?

  1. Best blog entry ever. Actually, you have quite a few blog entries that I’ve secretly enjoyed. Made me laugh for tonight and I needed to laugh. You truly rock Tommy D. Thank you. And that shark is bad news… Nothing good can come from him just swimming along in the big blue sea…